Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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