dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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