Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
