6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
