I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
