please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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