absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
