I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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