The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
