Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
