My room smells like vodka and shame
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
