Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
