Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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