If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
