You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
