Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
