i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
