When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
