Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
