I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
