the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
