so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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