i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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