just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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