butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
