Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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