Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
