Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
