look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
