I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
