I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
