Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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