apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
