I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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