you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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