He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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