Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
