Will you blow on my dice?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
