walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
