Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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