Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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