i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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