i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
