I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
