remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
