I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
