I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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