Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Houston, we have a blender
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
