yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
