did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
