I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
