im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
