If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
