Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
